Introducing Maple First

Friends, introducing Maple First.

When it comes to our purpose, mission, and values, 2025 is all about shaking things up. Out with the new and in with the old is how we’re feeling about our focus in the years ahead. 1964 is the new 2025.

Our old mission of “Be Well” feels dated, and if we’re being honest, a little too woke.

Whether its DEI, clean air, pure water, public lands, economic equality, rule of law, education, and kindness generally, the new ways of entering into a prosperous future have clearly shown their limits.

Old is the new New.

We’re the first to admit we went way too far hiring our perfectly qualified internal queer candidates as our new GM’s. As of today, without any real reason, they’ve been fired. While we were at it, we also decided to fire the remaining 50% of our staff as a nod towards efficiency.

Meet Maple First.

How will we manage? That’s where you come in. We invited the guest who has spent the most money on site to help optimize your experience.

Without any previous expertise in geothermal hospitality, they’re hitting the ground running & we’re excited to announce that in lieu of housekeepers, pool cleaners, safety experts & wellness staff, you’re invited to expect less, pay more & see those savings gobbled up by us owners.

As part of our agenda, we’re also selling 40 of our 45 acres to Pacificorp in order to increase power output. In return, the Oneida Narrows will be renamed “Maple Grove Reservoir”.

Next time you hit the Maple River, don’t forget your life jacket cause we sure as hell don’t have the capacity to help out, ever since we let Chad go.

Remember when over 400 Shoshone (primarily women & children) were massacred on the shores of the Maple River? Neither do we. You can rest assured that this nasty divisive past won’t become a wet towel on your next soak.

No longer burdened by history, safety, regulation, competence nor experience, we can’t wait to cross our fingers and see what happens when we open up our 180 F source pond for swimming together.

Fools, it’s April. Step outside & confront what has happened in under 100 days around you.

See it. Name it. Resist it.